House of the Lord

I'm going to start off by being completely and totally honest. For a long time, the only reason I wanted to go to the temple was to know what went on in the temple. It had nothing to do with the covenants I made with the Lord, or the blessing's I'd receive. I just wanted to know what the big fuss was about. Growing up, I always tried to piece it together "It's in the Old Testament," they'd say. "It's all there in the scriptures," was the only hint I ever got. As a women, I love being in the "know," so to not know what went on behind those pearly white doors. Killed me. However, until the age change I figured I'd find out once I got married (at 34), but once that wrench got thrown into my life plans, the reality of the temple pressed heavily on my mind.

Once I realized what motivated me to the temple, I really tried to take a step back and reevaluate my commitment to the Lord. Because how I see the temple is one spiritually turning 18. There is no more "slap on the wrist," so to speak. It's nothing but the slammer for the big sinners once you've gone through. Honestly, that freaked. me. out. So, I backed off, I let fear rule me. I knew girls who had gotten their call the same day as me, that had taken their endowments out months before I did. But you know what I believe? This gospel isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. The key is we are all running in it, some run faster at times, but then they slow down to a crawl, and then pick it right back up again. Some, just constantly move at one steady speed. Others walk around aimlessly, backwards, forwards, side to side. The key is that we are all moving. One foot at a time, and so it took me a little longer to go through, that's fine. I still went, and it was so much more meaningful to me because I was ready to make that commitment to my Heavenly Father by that point.

But boy was that journey a long and hard one. I promise that once I am able to, I am going to punch that little weasel Satan directly in the nostrils. That guy is such a jerk! Right as you are moving along, trying to be good, he sure does like to melodrama all the tiny mistakes you've ever made in life (and for me, there was ALOT). I wish I had been stronger then I had been, I let alot of what he said dictate the way I felt about myself, even though they were all lies. I believe that hate/angry words that you say either to yourself or to others are all lies, because they are from Satan, and Satan, is the father of all lies. So I said very mean, and untrue things about myself, that stopped me from desiring to enter the temple. I was afraid I'd get struck by lightning, or that people would just know that I didn't belong. None of that was true, and sadly it took me awhile to figure that out.

The big day came, April 16, 2014. I was so nervous, and excited. I couldn't help but remember, all the crazy stories some non-LDS coworkers of mine had tried to tell me, to warn me about the temple, that they "sacrifice animals," and other crazy things. I also remembered all the advice I had been given, "don't try to memorize it all in one day," and "remember it's very symbolic." I remember walking up to the St. George temple shaking, and literally hyperventilating. My mom chastised me, telling me to be silent. But I couldn't get my panic under control. It wasn't until a very calm, sweet, temple worker pulled me aside and gave me some words of encouragement. I was completely calm the rest of my four hours there.

Now I believe in honesty, and so I'll be frank. My first time was weird, anyone who tries to tell you that your first time isn't a little odd, is lying to you. I guarantee it. I remember sitting in the celestial room with loved one's completely confused, and not to toot my own horn, but I get things pretty easily. I walked out of the temple with the biggest headache I've ever had in my life. I wasn't sure I'd ever want to do that again, but I did. One week later I went with a couple of friends of mine who were also going on missions, and it was amazing. The peace I felt there was beautiful, and amazing. I've since gone back multiple times, and I promise each time get's so much easier. I love going, and seeing other people that are there for their first time. I see their knee shake, their hands twitch, and I smile reminiscing about my first time.

Let me take this opportunity to talk about garments, because I was a huge critique, but now I LOVE THEM. The entire week before I went in, I wore all my shorts, all my tank tops. I would do an outfit change just so I could fit them all in. I was dreading the day I would "dress like an old women," as my sister so delicately put it. Surprisingly? I feel so beautiful in them. I have not felt more comfortable in a set of cloths. Sure I miss the shorts on a typical St. George Summer day, but the blessings I have received far outweigh the comfort for one brief afternoon. Garments, really do become an extension of who you are. I love them, and if you had tried to convince me otherwise a year ago, I would have called you psycho.

All joking aside, the temple is beyond a doubt the only place where I feel free. When I'm there I feel myself becoming the person God has created. I feel divine, and the people that I meet in there are divine. I'm not perfect, heaven knows I'm not, and the people I meet in there aren't perfect. We are all on this long marathon back to His kingdom above. I know that the temple is more then just a place to learn the "secrets," of the church. It's a house of the Lord. I know that this is the only true church restored on the earth today. I know that Satan will do everything in his power to deter us from making progress, but I do know that we have a Savior on our side, who can help us fight this battle. We are not alone, we never will be. I love this gospel, and I'm forever grateful that He loves a rebellious soul like mine.