Well. 16 days left. Sixteen. The big old deiz y seis. I'm not freaking out. *Eye twitch*
No, but in all seriousness the reality of it has slapped me good and hard in the face. On Thursday I was sent an email with my flight itinerary. I was out to lunch with a good friend when my phone buzzed with a demanding tone that caught my attention. Seeing that it was an email from the Church Travel Headquarters I was hoping it was information about my Visa, and was disappointed to find out otherwise. However, this twist was a welcomed one. I became absorbed in my phone and tried to understand what my "Dora Map," was telling me. (I later felt like such a jerk for ignoring my lovely amiga during our lunch date.) However, I was so excited and relieved for what I learned.
First I fly out of the St. George airport to the Salt Lake City airport, then I fly from SLC to Paris!! Then Paris to my lovely new home, Madrid. Is that sinful of me to hope that I can at least glimpse at Paris? I mean you can't be in Paris and not see Paris! Or is that just the natural man in me talking? My mom made me swear that I wouldn't leave the airport. Although, I may have crossed my fingers behind my back.
The fact that I know how, when, and even where I'm seating really freaked me out. This is real. This is really happening! If that wasn't enough of a reality check, yesterday was my last day at my job. Leaving my job was extremely bitter-sweet. I had grown to love all my coworkers, (even those that were extremely lazy). The place had become a second home. However, I am grateful to finally be home with my family. They have these next two weeks of complete unadulterated me. (By the end of these 16 days they'll be cheering to get rid of me.)
So that's it. I have nothing taking up my time to focus on my mission. It's mission 24/7 now. My Pre-Mission chapter is on it's final pages, and the real journey is about to begin. I wont lie, it was an unsettling epiphany. Yesterday, as my father and I spoke, a knot began to twist in my stomach for it hit me that my goodbyes were coming fast. I realized that I wouldn't be able to just call up my mom whenever I was driving around town and tell her a funny story. I soon would no longer be able to text one of my girlfriends and head to lunch and laugh together for hours. My snuggle sessions with my puppies was numbered. All of this was closing, for a season. I felt like Eeyore with the big rain cloud over his head.
It wasn't until I really listened to my father that my attitude began to change. He kept saying how "jealous," he was because of the amazing adventure I was about to embark on. How the Spaniards didn't know what was going to hit them when I hit the ground runnin'. He told of his time out in Chile, and the people he grew to love and care for. I don't know how to explain it but it felt like a sun was created in my stomach. Because that once tight knot loosened up, and became bright and warm. It slowly took over my whole body and I just wanted to jump out of that swirly chair and put everything in my suitcase and leave that very moment. I am so grateful for what my father shared with me, about his mission, and how he felt while there. Because I have not felt that "Oh crap what have I gotten myself into?" feeling since.
I've been so blessed in this life, and this is my chance to go and bless my brothers and sisters in Spain. People I probably knew in Heaven, talked to, laughed with, cried with. I bet in Heaven during our Pre-Birth days we were scared and terrified to leave our loved ones, but we knew it was only for a season. There is this thing I've seen on social media sites that I've grown to love "Missionary (noun): Someone who leaves their family for a period of time so that others may be with their families for eternity." How true that is. Sure I'm sad to leave my family, and I know I'll miss them dearly. A friend who is out in Paraguay explained it to me this way, "Whenever I feel sick (emotionaly, physically) I just throw myself into the work, and eventually it just goes away." I know that doesn't work for everyone, but I know that if I go down there and throw myself into the Lord's vineyard in Spain. I'll get past my homesickness and do everything I can to help my brothers and sisters.
So I'm going to enjoy these next 16 days with my family, but I'm no longer going to fear the journey ahead. I've been taught that faith and fear can't coexist. I'm tired of living in fear. I know that I am suppose to be in Spain helping people come closer to Christ. So I'll place all my faith in Him, and I know he wont let me down. Here I come.
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